enter my life.

Lost loser!!

My tears fell for the third time that night.... That night was only yesterday. Once again, i laid in bed, couldn't sleep until i cried myself to sleep. Yesterday was supposed to be a good day. We did something we had been planning for a while. To play badminton together coz we haven been playing since we graduated. Sort of missed it... Went to Chinese Swimming Club with sis and him, had some sporty fun, the toilet is cool,everything was fine and good.

But somethings ' not right somewhere. I wasn't feeling very happy, i felt quite low and down. Don't ask me why? I dun know either.. Is it some onset of depression or mid relationship crisis. I can't figure out whats bothering me... there are so much to worry about and its frustrating trying to figure out what is wrong. And i know its hurting someone close.

What you said was right, its frustrating to keep guessing whats on my mind. Its difficult for you to get close to help and understand me if i dun speak my mind.
How should I really say it? The way our relationship is going is worrying me, its not abt doubting your love for me but women are sensitive creatures and for me, I am not just sensitive but selfish also. I know you love me, but you have other loves of your life too. I am not wanting you to give them up but I am not reacting positively to it. Contradicting isn't it? I belived in my life and i know mine wouldnt be smooth sailing one. It is one full with constant worries and hipcups and thats maybe include my relationship.

Sad to say, but thats how i see my life. Feel like a Loser! and the feeling sucks big time.. I find it hard to please myself, nothing satisfy me. I dun know how to manage these negative thoughts, should i just lower my expectation in life but i think i can't. Its so not ME! its like a betrayal to myself and i cant accept it.
And don't ask me would I be a happier person if I am with someone else.

posted by Liyan @ 6:01 AM